Friday 21 September 2012

The YouTube Survey 2012 - In Blog Form.

So there's this annual thing on YouTube, known as the YouTube Survey, where video bloggers answer random questions. I don't have a video blog, mainly because I tried it once and not only did I look like shit, I hated the sound of my own voice and had nothing worth while to talk to a camera about. A blog is easier as you don't have to worry about what you look like (I could be naked right now, but rest assured, I'm not), you don't have to wait for an empty house to make it (which is what I'd do, the only time I don't feel like a dick when talking into a camera is when Skyping) and I don't have to edit it with the volume barely up so I don't have to hear my voice. Yes, I am fully aware that I have confidence issues. So anyway, here are my answers to the YouTube survey in blog form.

1. Why are you called that?
Funny story, my name was originally going to be April Marina Joyce. Marina is my Nan's name, and I personally love it. As for the name April: my Mum was a fan of Dallas back then (and still is, which makes buying Christmas presents easy - although I'm screwed by the time I complete her collection) and was going to name me after the character April Ewing. However, my Mum's nan (my great-grandmother) had the middle name May, and she wanted to name me after her. As you can probably gather, April May would have not been the best idea, so she went with Amy May. I still have no idea where Amy came from though. And funnily enough, I was born on the 4th of yes, you guessed it, May. Obviously, the surname was also my Mum's surname, or rather, was at the time. I'm thankful that my name wasn't Audrey actually, as the 4th of May was also actress Audrey Hepburn's birthday, and Breakfast at Tiffany's was one of her favourite movies.

2. Tell us about your favourite school teacher.
My favourite school teacher differed over the years. In primary school, it was Mrs Cox, my year 3 teacher, because she was just lovely and she was really funny. In secondary school, it was probably my tutor, Mrs Chaffey. She was my tutor for 7 years, through all of secondary school and sixth form, and she also taught me for GCSE food and child development, and then again for A-level food. She was just a brilliant teacher, she took a lot of crap from certain kids in my class, and she helped me out a lot when I was being bullied. She also helped me out a hell of a lot come my final A-level food project, which if it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't have gotten an A, and she wrote my reference to get into university, which I still have somewhere. A close second was my English lit teacher for A-level, Mr Harding because he was a great laugh and his lessons were always so chilled, and he was just a really nice guy.

3. What's the strangest food you've ever eaten?
Tammy's Japanese themed 17th birthday
Attractive.
Due to tummy issues, I don't tend to eat strange food. The weirdest was probably my friend Tammy's homemade sushi, which I think was tuna wrapped in seaweed which we had for her 17th birthday.  I'm not sure how it went down with everyone, I can't quite remember,  but I do remember, we had a really good evening. One of many good evenings that we had back in those days.

4. Tell us about your first gig.
First ever ever gig that I went to was the Rock Concert at school. 2003/2004 I think it was. Looking back it was incredibly shit. I don't know if it should count, as my Mum paid for my tickets and was our lift for the evening. That was probably the only music gig I went to that I can remeber. In terms of first gig that I paid for myself and didn't have to rely on my parents for transport was Dara O'Briain's "This is the Show" tour. 

5. What's your favourite place in the world?
I've not really been to any places to be considered 'amazing' as most of them that people would consider amazing are abroad and I'm shit scared to get on a plane. However, my current favourite place in the world is Penguin Bay at Dudley Zoo. It's awesome, you can get right up close to them, and it's just the most amazing thing to watch.  For my birthday this year, Liam adopted me Pingu, their oldest penguin. I was also given 2 free tickets for a day there, where we also met Elliot, one of their hand reared penguins, and I recently went to their adopter's day where I met and got to stroke another one of their hand reared penguins, Peter. It was to this day, one of the best days of my life. Right up there with seeing Russell Howard and Lee Evans, getting engaged and the Year 11 summer prom.

6. Who do you want to complete the survey next?
Frankly, I couldn't care less. I just like doing surveys myself.



Thursday 13 September 2012

Adverts 2.0

Given that my last Adverts piss take went reasonably well, I've been closely watching another lot of ad breaks and keeping my rants safely hidden until I had enough material to produce another blog. Well, here goes:

Oh, and I'm very pissed of that EDF's last advert didn't have Zingy in it.

1. Clover 

We've had to endure this timeless piece of horse manure for many, many years now. And because of its infernal repetition like a bad case of cystitis, one of its' versions is permanently stuck in my head. My argument is this: IT'S BUTTER. It's not a much loved TV character or a funny pet, it's a food item that you spread on toast. Is there really any need to sing about it? About how much you love it and how it makes your life that much better? I've never come home from a shit day and thought "you know what would make this day better? A crumpet with some Clover on it, that would just get rid of all my problems." No, when I've had a shit day, I reach for the vodka, which I'm sure we all do more than we reach for a tub of over-priced, no better tasting than cheap own brand shit, toast accompaniment.

2. Oreo - The Explanation
We've all seen this charmingly cute advert before (not that I think it's cute, I personally hate all kinds of adverts that use children to endorse them), but if you haven't, it's a little girl telling her Dad how to eat an Oreo, but she won't let the poor bastard have one. First of all, this is not how you eat an Oreo. You do not twist it and lick it, that's disgusting. Why would you want to eat something covered in your own saliva, THEN dipped in milk? Yes when you eat something it gets covered in it anyway, but you don't take it out of your mouth, think "oh, that's gonna taste so much better now I've chewed it and mixed it with my bodily fluids." Ew. No, the way to eat an Oreo is: unwrap it, eat it. Secondly, whenever I patronised my parents, I got a bollocking. Thirdly, "don't laugh, it's VERY hard" - because everything is when you're five isn't it? (Also, the exact same thing her father said to her mother on the night of her conception). And finally - "can I try?" "I don't think you're ready yet." - would the advert be made more amusing if after she said this the Dad went "you're adopted." And then fade out with the classic "Only Oreo" in the corner of the screen.

3. Dairylea
This must be a relatively new advert as I can't find a link to it anywhere. But the jist is basically kids playing with lunchables, making them talk and what not. When I was that age, I was punished if I made my food talk. Or played with it in any way, shape or form for that matter. No wonder kids these days are idiots if the food they eat is modelled by kids their own age who make ham puppets.